Thursday, April 21, 2011

In My Best Chris Farley Voice, That Was Awesome

Starters: Toews, Kane, Stalberg, and Keith/Campbell
Goalie: Crawford
Scratches: Pisani and Dowell

I'm still giddy.

1st:
Seconds into the first period, a Sedin was crosschecked by Campbell in front of the Hawks' net. Also, it was a hell of an acting job by Sedin. Towards the end of the penalty kill, Crawford made some sweet saves right after one another and killed it. According to Canucks' fans, the most logical thing to do was to start chanting Crawford. Well, he did make some awesome saves, so can't blame them. Scott had a brain fart, which is common for people that tall and turned the puck over. Thanks to Crawford, the brain fart didn't turn into a brain shit and become a goal. Hawks went to the power play with an interference for Glass. Hossa pointed his stick to the sky and the Canucks players parted like the Red Sea. A quick 24 seconds later, Keith furthered the Hawks' lead 2-0. And the stadium began to play "Fuck You." Sedin hooked Hammer for a Hawks' power play. It was killed and straight to the penalty kill for the Hawks. Toews' breakaway attempt was broken up by a Canuck attempting to kill him from behind. Toews went into the net and another power play for the Hawks. To quote Pat and Eddie O, "Tree!" The Hawks took the lead 3-0. Quote of the moment: Dad- "How tight do you think Luongo's butt hole is right now?" Sharp breakaway was denied by Luongo with about four minutes left. Soupy nailed a Sedin and it killed my TV for a good minute. I'm not even kidding, it went all black. Our ginger is better than you ginger.

Commercial break/Intermission: Toews summed up the first period in his Lemonhead commercial- "Wow." Seabrook is stuck in a Harris Bank somewhere trying to figure out how to pick up a pen with his gloves. It will never not be funny.

2nd:
Kane was credited with the Hawks third goal. It's Easter weekend. Hossa has awoken. Two goals. Hossa's arms in his celebration: Cha-Ching. 4-0 Blackhawks and no more Luongo. He was taken out for the second game in a row. The other Cory came into the game greeted with cheers. Duncan Keith's nickname is "Jigsaw" for a reason. He was killing it. He scored his second goal of the night 5-0. Also, why was there not a celebration cam on Seabrook for Keith's goals? Torres was at it again and sent Smith to the locker room. He later came back out on the bench. Hamhuis went for Bolland's head near the corner. A stare down with Bolland? You will never win. Bolland then went to the box, while laughing. Classic. After Bolland' stare down, Kesler was stopped by Crawford. Smith was checked in the corner by Edler and Smith took it like a man by handing out death stares. The final seconds went a little like this: Edler elbowed Brouwer in the head, Brouwer went after Edler, Brouwer got double teamed by Lapierre and Edler then Bieksa joined in, because he's a douche magnet. I just wrote Edler a million times and there's another one. The handouts: Slashing and fighting for Brouwer, roughing and fighting for Bieksa, and a 10 minute misconduct for Lapierre. I have to say his name again, but where's Edler's punishment?

CSN Poll: Who's your least favorite Canuck? ALL OF THE ABOVE.

3rd:
Quiet in all aspects of the game. Hossa and Brouwer shared the box in the beginning. Another Sharp breakaway was denied. Hammer got a stick to the face.

Hawks win! Hawks win! Hawks win! Crawford's first post-season shutout and it was a career high four point night for Keith. Game six will be held at the United Center on Easter Sunday!

The top bitches:
-Duncan Keith
-Corey Crawford
-Marian Hossa

Keith's song about Seabrook: "Don't mess with my man, I'ma be the one to break it to ya."

Seabrook's song about Keith: "My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble. When you see him comin', better cut on the double."

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